Women compare. It's natural.
We all know as females that it is very easy to compare ourselves to one another.
“She looks better than me, she is fitter than me, she is skinnier than me”. We are all guilty of these thoughts, and that’s okay. I still struggle with it, but I am here to help. If comparing myself was a fast track to success, I would be the top athlete in my field by now. Unfortunately, this is not how it works; in fact, it does the opposite. We are wasting precious energy that could be better utilised focusing on improving our performance by tapping into our strengths and tweaking our weaknesses, rather than trying to be someone we are not.
In my experience, I compare my performance to athletes who are older than me or have a different skill set than me. As someone in the early stages of my career, I often question why I am not achieving the same results as the senior players.
The answer is simple. Those women are 5+ years older than me and have significantly more experience. Therefore, it is obvious why they are achieving results that I am not yet. They have plenty more years of training and game time under their belt to have honed their skills and become the athlete they are today. So why do we fall into the trap of comparison?
The comparison trap.
We want more. We always do. As an athlete, our current state is never enough. We are wired to keep pushing forward. In doing that, we look to others for motivation. If we see someone doing better than us, naturally, we will want that. We need to make sure this is not to our detriment however. There are benefits in looking to your seniors for inspiration and motivation, but it is important not to fixate on their statistics. This can lead us down a whirlwind of negative thoughts, which only halts our performance.
The whirlwind.
Do you ever feel yourself slipping into a spiral of negative thoughts because you have fixated on your competitors? Do you question why you aren’t seeing the same results or why they are so good? The answer is simple. In most cases, they have worked out what works best for them to perform. They understand their best game, and they can implement that consistently. Instead of spending energy comparing yourself to these people, it is more important to figure out what works best for you so you can unlock your potential, too. What do you need to achieve in training to free your mind come game time?
Strategies I use.
- First and foremost, stop comparison in its tracks! When you recognise that you are comparing yourself to someone, you need to stop the thought immediately. It is not helpful.
- Ask yourself whether or not the comparison was valid. In my experience, it is invalid 9 times out of 10. This is because my competitor is either much more experienced than I am or has completely different strengths than mine. Is the person you are comparing yourself to a good comparison? Most of the time, they are not.
- Focus energy on yourself, not others. I have come to learn that the most successful athletes have nailed what works for them. They understand their game and know how to get the best out of themselves. It is not necessarily because they have more talent, rather, they just know how to use it. This topic requires much more detail, and I will delve into it in a later post. Learning what works best for you is very important for performing at a high level.
- Talk about it. If you find yourself spiralling down the comparison trail, tell someone about it. Someone who you trust, someone in your inner circle that knows you. Be vulnerable and let them know because they will likely tell you that it is not a valid comparison. On the off chance they think it is warranted, I am sure they will help you devise a plan to level up and catch your competitor.
“Be yourself, everyone else is already taken”
– Oscar Wilde.
This quote is a gentle reminder to be the person you want to be. You have your strengths, stop trying to copy others because they may not work for you. Hone in on what brings you success, not others.
Let's Recap.
Comparison is not helpful. As a high-performing athlete, anything that takes your focus away from what you need to do is detrimental. When you are at this level, the small percentages matter. This is why it is crucial not to waste any energy comparing your performances to others. Instead, focus that energy on developing strategies that allow you to perform at your best.